Why do I even bother?????????????

Well today is Monday September 26th, 2005. The month is almost over, well I went home for the weekend, my cousin Melissa got married, she looked so beautiful. But I’ll get to that in a minute. I was on my way home and I was having this awful feeling that something just wasn’t right, well my gut usually is correct and this wasn’t a great weekend. My grandfather has Alzheimer’s and he wandered away from his home last week and apparently was laying the brush when my grandmother (whom has been gone for 8 years) picked him up and walked him over to my aunt and uncles who live a few blocks away. And it was just terrible, I won’t get into all of the details because it’s to emotional and I want to respect his privacy. But we are working really hard to help him out and are doing everything that we can to help him, and I’ve worked with many Alzheimer’s patients and it’s harder to deal with it when it is someone that you love. But this is an on going thing, so I’ll be talking about this a lot. So please bare with me and please pray for my grandpa and my entire family through this difficult time. But on to more devastating news. I had made a tape when I started this whole surgery process, describing PERSONAL feelings that I never intended on sharing with anyone. This tape was for me to express thoughts and many other things, well this tape was found considering that it was in the bottom of a trunk, and hidden from anyone. Well now it was found (and I still don’t know why my personal belongings were gone through) and many people have seen this, and many people have heard about it. And it hurts so bad because my personal life and troubled times were displayed in front of people who now are laughing, and making fun of me. And all that I really want to say is how would you like your deepest, darkest secrets revealed to the people that you really didn’t want it to be?????? How would you feel, probably horrible right, well times that by one million and then you will understand what I am going through right now. But anyways on to a better subject. My cousin got married and the wedding was great, it was super fun to see her and being there when she started her new life. When I was talking her after the wedding she gave me a big hug and was like OMG you are so skinny, and I told her to shut up, but she hadn’t seem me since way before surgery so I guess she was shocked. I kept getting those looks from a lot of people that I haven’t seen in a long time, but hey like everyone says they’ll never stop. But other than having a rough weekend, I am trying to be strong and move on. It’s frustrating everyday and I hope that this will all stop and being grow up. But like I said I doubt that will ever happen. But I guess tomorrow is another day, and I will head to bed and try to sleep. Lots of love.