A great way to start the week, I think??

Today is Sunday October 16th, 2005. Things have been different with my family and I still hope that one day they will all change. Ronda and I however are on speaking terms again, no thanks to me breaking down and telling her that I can’t deal with any of this shit anymore. But she has been dealing with issues involving her and Jim and I really don’t want to get started on that so we won’t. Life has been pretty good overall, I feel good about life and I hope that my progress keeps getting better and better. My support group thinks that I am doing super well, I do believe that. I am down 60 pounds in 3 months that amazing, 20 pounds a month, and I know what you must be thinking, I could do that but for me I could never do that. My life has changed, I am not the same person that I used to be and I will never be that person again, that person died, not her soul, not her spirit, only the image on the outside. I died and was born again (tears are now pouring down my cheeks) I can never thank the people who helped me get to where I am today, I’m alive because of them and there are no words, no expressions, nothing that I could ever do or say to thank them. But I hope that they know how much this means to me. I’m happy, I can finally say that I am happy, I AM HAPPY!!!!!!!!!! I just want to keep screaming it all the time. I look at life in a whole new way, one where I can smile everyday and know that people are going to smile back at me. I had a friend write me the cutest note and she sent it to me, and I wanted to put it here so people could understand that she doesn’t want me to forget who I am and where I came from. So here it is…

Dear Janelle:
This is to remind you of who you are and what you are all about! Stick to your roots, never let them go because once you do they will be gone forever! Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t capable of doing something, if you put your mind to it then you can always succeed! You can only be one person and that is yourself, never change because someone tells you to, change because you want to. Don’t loose your spunk, because if I do then you will change your image towards everyone. If your friends don’t accept you then find new ones who do. But remember the people who helped you along the way, because they are the ones who love you and sometimes you tend to forget them! Never loose faith, always be prepared, you never know what may happen. Dream like there is no tomorrow, say what you mean otherwise nobody will hear your voice. And you have such a beautiful voice. Smile everyday, no matter how crabby you are. And still smile even when that certain time of the month is upon you! Don’t forget who you are, always stand your ground and never back down. Love like you have never loved before. Even if the man you love doesn’t love you back. Give one person a hug everyday, even if it is yourself. Don’t be afraid of taking risks, unless they will get you arrested or if it can kill you. Don’t be afraid of the future, one day you will make it and you will smile at yourself. Whenever life gets you down, stand up and try something new. Don’t piddle on the little things, grow from them and prepare for your next battle. YES, there are bumps in the road but just try your best to climb over them, and start running to the next one. Remember, only 2% of people change the world, and hopefully you are one of those people. We all have our blonde moments but hey they are always fun to laugh at. Don’t let people get on your nerves because then you can never get rid of them, just deal with it and move on. You are always going to be a drop dead, sexy, beautiful, gorgeous and one down right whistle blowing hot mama. Because it’s not what they think about you, it what you think about yourself. Look in the mirror and always remember who you were and never forget that you will always be that person on the inside, you just look different on the outside. You should always keep this letter handy because whenever things get out of control read it outloud and just let everything go away, you don't need anymore stress. Just remember that I love you and you are the greatest person ever!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your bestest pal Carrie!!!!!

I think that's the best way to sum up this entry, everything I think needs to take something like this into consideration. Thanks everyone, see ya!!!!!!