Why do I even bother?????????????

Well today is Monday September 26th, 2005. The month is almost over, well I went home for the weekend, my cousin Melissa got married, she looked so beautiful. But I’ll get to that in a minute. I was on my way home and I was having this awful feeling that something just wasn’t right, well my gut usually is correct and this wasn’t a great weekend. My grandfather has Alzheimer’s and he wandered away from his home last week and apparently was laying the brush when my grandmother (whom has been gone for 8 years) picked him up and walked him over to my aunt and uncles who live a few blocks away. And it was just terrible, I won’t get into all of the details because it’s to emotional and I want to respect his privacy. But we are working really hard to help him out and are doing everything that we can to help him, and I’ve worked with many Alzheimer’s patients and it’s harder to deal with it when it is someone that you love. But this is an on going thing, so I’ll be talking about this a lot. So please bare with me and please pray for my grandpa and my entire family through this difficult time. But on to more devastating news. I had made a tape when I started this whole surgery process, describing PERSONAL feelings that I never intended on sharing with anyone. This tape was for me to express thoughts and many other things, well this tape was found considering that it was in the bottom of a trunk, and hidden from anyone. Well now it was found (and I still don’t know why my personal belongings were gone through) and many people have seen this, and many people have heard about it. And it hurts so bad because my personal life and troubled times were displayed in front of people who now are laughing, and making fun of me. And all that I really want to say is how would you like your deepest, darkest secrets revealed to the people that you really didn’t want it to be?????? How would you feel, probably horrible right, well times that by one million and then you will understand what I am going through right now. But anyways on to a better subject. My cousin got married and the wedding was great, it was super fun to see her and being there when she started her new life. When I was talking her after the wedding she gave me a big hug and was like OMG you are so skinny, and I told her to shut up, but she hadn’t seem me since way before surgery so I guess she was shocked. I kept getting those looks from a lot of people that I haven’t seen in a long time, but hey like everyone says they’ll never stop. But other than having a rough weekend, I am trying to be strong and move on. It’s frustrating everyday and I hope that this will all stop and being grow up. But like I said I doubt that will ever happen. But I guess tomorrow is another day, and I will head to bed and try to sleep. Lots of love.

Me sitting in my room!!!!

50 pounds down, in two months!!!!!!!

Today is Monday September 19th, 2005. Today I have the best news ever, I have hit my 50 pound mark today!!!!!!!!!! How exciting, I am honestly thrilled to death about this, you can’t even imagine. But just wanted to keep you up to date on things lately. I just got home yesterday from Wisconsin, went to the big racing festivities down there and it was all good. Wishing my brother would have done better but it’s ok, there’s always next year. Had some problems in the beginning with certain people but it blew over and I wasn’t about to let it ruin my weekend. My mom and dad seemed excited to see me, also my dad’s cousin Steve was super excited to see me. Also my cousins Callie and Stephanie whom I hadn’t seen since before surgery, they both didn’t even recognized me when they saw me which I thought was pretty funny. Everyone keeps saying I look good, so I just keep taking them all the time. I admit it’s nice but sometimes your like wow, will it ever end and the answer from my support group… NEVER!!! There’s always someone who will keep telling you, that you look great or whatever. So take it while you can and enjoy it. Well another week here in Duluth, then back to Brainerd for the fitting of my soon to be sister-in-laws bridesmaid dress, then work and my cousin’s wedding. How exciting, plus I think the Chrysler (aka my car) should be getting some new parts on him. Hopefully, well that’s all for now, I’ll keep you all up to date. Love ya!!!!!

Me on the shore of Lake Superior, Duluth my home town!!!!!!!

Almost 2 months after surgery!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Updating!!!!

Today is Tuesday September 13th, 2005. Everything has been going just fine up here in Duluth, had some car trouble but it’s all good now. Classes have been going great and I don’t have any complaints so far. I talked to my mom a little bit since she has come back from Alaska, they are all getting ready to go racing this weekend in Wisconsin. And I think that me and my friend Kelsey are thinking about going. It would be nice to see everyone and watch one last race for the season. But off to another subject, I just found out that my friend Nikki, is going to be getting married sometime end of October or early November!!!! I’m kind of in shock at the moment. But I know I need to call her and talk to her some more and figure out things. It just took me a minute when she was telling me to comprehend what she was saying. But I figured that I should write a little bit to keep people updated on how I’m doing. I recently weighed I think 255, so that’s 45 pounds down!!!!! YEAH!!!! It gets better everyday. I am wearing clothes that were to small for me to wear and I love it. But I hate growing out of my other clothes that I love. But it’s ok, because it’s all worth it. But I need to do some homework, but I’ll keep everyone updated ASAP!!!!!

Today is Wednesday September 7th, 2005. I’ve been up in Duluth for less than a week and things are going ok so far. I don’t’ mind my class schedule, but I know that I am going to have to work very hard in order to keep up and get good grades. I can’t loose focus this year because this year could make or break me and I don’t want to jeopardize anything. But things are ok, just being able to leave Brainerd and get away from so many people is a good thing. I hope that this is going to help me out with my stress and problems that I have been dealing with. Issues have been ok at home but people have been really frustrating sometimes. Everyone is going to be surprised when they see me because I know that I keep changing all the time and I just keep loosing weight. I hit my 40 pound mark not to long ago, I was going through a little bit of a plateau there but hey that’s ok. I say one of my old roommates today and se was so surprised to see how great I looked and she was just so shocked!!!! It was really amazing and I honestly didn’t know what to say to her. She just look dumbfounded. I do like those reactions but sometimes I don’t know how to react to things like that. I hope that I can get some photos of my now because my pants are getting bigger and my shirts are getting looser. I know that I am going to have go shopping just to get a few things to get me by. But for now I will manage in whatever way I can.

Crazy Week

Well I just wanted to let everyone know that I have been super busy this week trying to pack for college and dealing with other issues amongst my family. But everything is going to be ok and I hope that I can find more time to talk about what's been going on. Well talk to you all later, bye bye!!!