Living a Fairytale: August 2005

Just another week!!!

Well it is just another week but hey that's cool. I hit my 30 pound mark last week and I was super excited!!! I can't believe how great I feel, I know that this is a long process and it will take time to adjust to everything but everyone seems to know how great I am feeling. I can do so much, I do have more energy but because my body is lacking nutrients I do feel fatigued at times. It is very difficult to adjust to everyday things because you don't know how you are going to feel. I take it one day at a time and hope that everyday gets better from here. I go to the doctor's tomorrow in Park Rapids and I hope that they give me the okay to start regular foods, I know that I can tolerate soft foods so why shouldn't I move on to the next step. I only have a week and a half till I move back to school in Duluth, I am really excited. I have so much to look forward to. This is going to be the greatest time ever, because I am going to be changing, it will be difficult I know but I hope that everything will be ok. My best friend came back from Germany yesterday and I am excited to know that she will be living with me in Duluth, she totally rocks and I love her to death. Well I will let everyone know how things go tomorrow!!!! Thanks

One month anniversary

Today is Monday August 15th, today is my one month anniversary. I am super excited about being one month out, I can’t believe that I am made it this far without having major complications. I have lost 28 pounds and I feel wonderful, every week I get on the scale and watch that number go down, down and down some more. I feel like I could run a mile, well I technically can’t but that’s ok. So many people tell me all the time how great I look and sometimes I really don’t know what to say. I usually just say “yeah that’s what everyone says” but I don’t want to offend anyone but sometimes I wonder what do you say????? It’s hard to tell, and hard to say. My batwings are growing and I wonder will they ever go away?? Yes, I believe because my face has adjusted to loosing weight very well I think, my chins have just been going back into my face. I wonder if one day I will wake up and it will all be sagging?? Well I hope not, otherwise everything has been great the past couple of weeks. I have been trying to get adjusted to work and to how I eat and drink during work. It has been difficult at times but hey that’s the price that you pay. I have now been given the okay to start weight training and aerobic exercise. I am excited maybe all this skin won’t sag on me. I am going to work my ass of in order to keep at least part of it from sagging. I can tell that I am loosing weight in my waist because my smallest pair of jeans come out about 2 inches on me, that was something that I have never seen before. I’m really excited to be shrinking, I have never felt so great, EVER!!!! And its only been one month, I can’t wait till one year. Then I won’t know what to think. Well another week is going to go by and soon winter will be upon us Minnesotans!!!!

August 3rd

Today is Wednesday August 3rd, today I had to go back to Park Rapids for a dilation, I had been having terrible swelling and pressure in my stomach and chest. I feel great now, but I was disappointed because I was doing so well, and then this had to happen. But its been a crazy week, I started work again, which didn’t go so well but I managed. Ronda is getting her Baha Rally car ready for tomorrow at the fair. I’m really excited to see her race, I hope she does great which I know she will. I have lost nearly 20 pounds since surgery and I honestly have never felt so good, I am still adjusting to certain foods, which I know is very difficult. But I manage, the temptations aren’t all that bad, I know what I can have and that’s it. No ifs, ands, or buts. I don’t want to get sick and I especially don’t want anything to happen, this is permanent and I am not going to screw it up. For me the past few days have brought ups and downs in my life. On the up side I am changing for the better and living a healthier life, but on the down side my heart aches. I know the truth hurts but I can accept the truth, but my heart and soul cannot let go of this feeling inside. It gets harder everyday and everyday I long for something to change. Will it ever? Probably not, but if it should I would be willing to give it a try. In life we all make mistakes but how will we ever know if it’s a mistake unless we do something about it. “You never really know what you have until it is gone” Well let’s move on to another subject, Ronda found her wedding dress and now it’s official that they are going to get married sometime but no date yet, I am so excited because in March my brother Tim and future sister-in-law Jenny are getting married. God it’s going to be crazy but hey no problem. Then I will be the only one without someone by their side. But don’t worry I’m sure I will manage, (I hope). I picture my wedding day all the time, and granted I might change my mind all the time it’s still nice to dream and have something planned out. I think about holidays that are coming up and I realize that I really don’t want to be around for some of them, like Thanksgiving mainly because I won’t eat anything, then Christmas because everyone will be going to their other “families” and I won’t. Then New Years because who am I going to celebrate it with? Then Valentines day, still no one their. Yes I know that is sounds stupid but in my eyes it’s something that runs through my mind all the time. It’s hard when you don’t have that companion like everyone else has, and yes I know I must be patient but my goodness, I can’t stand this sometimes. I do hope that things change in my life and that I make some career decisions and figure out my life. It’s difficult but hey I think I can manage it. I’m in the process of packing, throwing junk away and preparing for another year up in Duluth, the best part Kelsey is going to be living with me!!!! That rocks, like really rocks!!! It will totally amazing with her and I know that we will keep each other in line! She will be my guardian angel, only she isn’t dead!!!!

July 29th Journal

Today is Friday July 29th, how come I feel like certain people are acting differently???? I think that it is oddly strange but I am trying to deal with it as much as I can, but if this continues I will have to do something about it, it does bother me and I wish for it to stop. I never thought that saying how you truly feel could affect people in such a profound way, but hey that’s how I am. But sometimes it does come back to bite me in the butt. I am excited to return to work on Monday, it has been two weeks since surgery and I am nothing but thrilled, time has been flying. It feels like only yesterday that this all started, I can’t to see the future, it will be amazing. So far I have lost 15 pounds!!!! I have never been so excited for three bags of sugar!!!! I can already see the difference in my upper body, I can tell that shirts are getting looser and it feels awesome, I have lost three inches across my waist and two an a half inches across my chest. I feel great and so many people can tell the difference, and I most certainly know that I can. I can’t wait till the rest of my body does this.

My personal journals!!!

Today is Wednesday July 27th, 2005. It has nearly two weeks since I received gastric bypass surgery, I could never describe the feeling that I have everyday when I wake up. I have so much energy but yet there are days when I do feel like crap but that’s the price that you must take. I went in for my check-up on Monday the 25th and have already lost 12 pounds that’s great. I never felt so great. I couldn’t believe it!!!! Surgery went fine, I had no complications except when I awoke from the anesthetics. I just went crazy but we won’t get into that. I had some difficulties in the beginning but I am slowly working my way through them. I can’t believe how great I look, this is something that I would never have dreamed of. I feel like a million bucks, and I can’t wait until I stop loosing weight because them I am going to be even more happy. Everyone says I look great and I am kind of sick of hearing that but I still enjoy the compliments. It just shows that sometimes the biggest risk, is the greatest risk you could ever take. I don’t know how certain people feel but that’s ok. Hopefully in due time they will come around and express how they feel, and until them I can wait. I can already tell that my shirts are fitting better, I went from a 42C to a 38C and that is difficult because yes, I am loosing my boobs, but that is something that I am willing to risk to live a long and happy life. I will admit that sometimes it is hard to go through this difficult period of adjusting but its all something that I must go through, it is difficult at times but you look at the future and realize that you can’t screw this up, you can’t sit there and screw up everything that you have worked hard to get to. I’ve spent my whole life living in a back corner, and now this is my time to shine. I want to stay outgoing and I want to stay independent and I really want people to realize this. I will not change because of this, I will only change on the outside. And I hope that people do not change because of this. It means a lot to me when I have tons of support behind me, and helping me along the way.

One week after surgery, I made it to my friend Carrie's Wedding, I look pretty good!!!!

My mother and me before surgery

Day of surgery don't I look hot!!!!

My best friend Kelsey and Me

Family functions yee haw!!!

Graduation with my mom!!!

Graduation with my dad!!

Having fun at friends wedding!!

Trip to Las Vegas with my cousin Callie!!

Senior Year was such a rush!!!